Funny Quotes About LIfe Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and best Friends

Tuesday 29 October 2013

Funny Marriage Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Funny Marriage Quotes Biography

Source:-google.com.pk

1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.
19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
21. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.
22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.
23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.
25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lighs on.
26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.
27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

Funny Marriage Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Monday 28 October 2013

Funny Confucius Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Funny Confucius Quotes Biography

Source:-google.com.pk

This is a collection of Confucius quotes to put his wisdom at your finger tips. Confucius was a Chinese thinker and social philosopher with a knack for nailing some big ideas for life.
Confucius tackled topics like anger, character, failure, happiness, intelligence, truth, virtue, and more. The beauty of Confucius’s quotes is how elegantly they express ideas and get you thinking. For example, Confucius said, “No matter where you go – there you are.” This reminds us that we always bring ourselves to any situation, baggage, beliefs, and all. It helped me realize early on in life, that you need to be your own best friend, or, life will be a rough ride.
Another thing I like about Confucius’s quotes is how they are sticky in the mind. I’ve come across a lot of Confucius’s quotes throughout life and they stuck with me. Partly it’s because of how they ring true, and partly it’s because of how they are expressed. Great quotes echo in the mind.
Enjoy these quotes by Confucius and may they serve you well in the journey of life.

Top 10 Confucius Quotes

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”
“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.”
“I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.”
“If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher. I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them, and the bad points of the other and correct them in myself.”
“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”
“Men’s natures are alike, it is their habits that carry them far apart.”
“No matter where you go – there you are”
“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do.”
“Wherever you go, go with all your heart.”
“Worry not that no one knows of you; seek to be worth knowing.”

Ability

“Ability will never catch up with the demand for it.”
“The expectations of life depend upon diligence; the mechanic that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools.”

Alertness

“The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come.”
“When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.”

Anger and Blame

“If a man be under the influence of anger his conduct will not be correct.”
“It was by music that the ancient kings gave elegant expression to their joy. By their armies and axes they gave the same to their anger.”
“To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.”
“When anger rises, think of the consequences.”

Character

“Earnest in practicing the ordinary virtues, and careful in speaking about them, if, in his practice, he has anything defective, the superior man dares not but exert himself; and if, in his words, he has any excess, he dares not allow himself such license.”
“Faced with what is right, to leave it undone shows a lack of courage.”
“Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.”
“Great as heaven and earth are, men still find some things in them with which to be dissatisfied. Thus it is that, were the superior man to speak of his way in all its greatness, nothing in the world would be found able to embrace it, and were he to speak of it in its minuteness, nothing in the world would be found able to split it.”
“Hold faithfulness and sincerity as first principles. Then no friends would not be like yourself.”
“I will not be concerned at other men’s not knowing me;I will be concerned at my own want of ability.”
“In archery we have something like the way of the superior man. When the archer misses the center of the target, he turns round and seeks for the cause of his failure in himself.”
“It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.”
“Look at the means which a man employs, consider his motives, observe his pleasures. A man simply cannot conceal himself!”
“Never give a sword to a man who can’t dance.”
“Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.”
“Respect yourself and others will respect you.”
“Sincerity is that whereby self-completion is effected, and its way is that by which man must direct himself.”
“The man who in view of gain thinks of righteousness; who in the view of danger is prepared to give up his life; and who does not forget an old agreement however far back it extends – such a man may be reckoned a complete man.”
“The superior man acts before he speaks, and afterwards speaks according to his action.”
“The superior man cannot be known in little matters, but he may be entrusted with great concerns. The small man may not be entrusted with great concerns, but he may be known in little matters.”
“The superior man has nothing to compete for. But if he must compete, he does it in an archery match, wherein he ascends to his position, bowing in deference. Descending, he drinks the ritual cup.”
“The superior man is all-embracing and not partial. The inferior man is partial and not all-embracing.”
“The superior man is aware of Righteousness, the inferior man is aware of advantage.”
“There is nothing more visible than what is secret, and nothing more manifest than what is minute.” Therefore the superior man is watchful over himself, when he is alone.”
“What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others.”
“Wisdom, compassion, and courage are the three universally recognized moral qualities of men.”
“Without an acquaintance with the rules of propriety, it is impossible for the character to be established.”
“Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?”

Failure, Mistakes, and Flaws

“A man who has committed a mistake and doesn’t correct it, is committing another mistake.”
“Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes.”
“Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.”
“If you make a mistake, do not be afraid to correct it.”
“In all things success depends on previous preparation, and without such previous preparation there is sure to be failure.”
“The cautious seldom err.”
“The faults of a superior man are like the sun and moon. They have their faults, and everyone sees them; they change and everyone looks up to them.”
“Things that are done, it is needless to speak about … things that are past, it is needless to blame.”
“When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them.”

Friends and Friendship

“I do not want a friend who smiles when I smile, who weeps when I weep, for my shadow in the pool can do better than that.”
“It is more shameful to distrust our friends than to be deceived by them.”
“Never contract friendship with a man that is not better than thyself."

Funny Confucius Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Funny Valentine Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Funny Valentine Quotes Biography

Source:-google.com.pk

Funny Valentine Quotes shine a 500 watt halogen on some of the things we need to say on Valentines Day and some things we should keep our distance. Choose from the following the phrases things you may want to say to your Valentine.
"What the world really needs is more love and less paper work."
Pearl Bailey
‘I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.'
Dorothy Parker.
'My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.'
Rita Rudner.
‘Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.’
Aristotle
‘If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?’
Anonymous
‘Love is like a river, always changing, but always finding you again somewhere down the road.’
Kelly Elaine
’Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely.’
Hawkeye, M.A.S.H.
‘Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.’
Anon
‘Friendship is one mind in two bodies.’
Mencius
"Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke."
Lynda Barry
“Love is a game that two can play and both win.”
Eva Gabor
“When you're in love you never really know whether your elation comes from the qualities of the one you love, or if it attributes them to her; whether the light which surrounds her like a halo comes from you, from her, or from the meeting of your sparks.”
Natalie Clifford Barney
"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times."
Rita Rudner
“Love is like war. Easy to begin with but hard to end”
Unknown
‘All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt…’
Lucy Van Pelt, Peanuts
’ Love is just a chocolate substitute.’
Melanie Clark
"If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?" Lily Tomlin
‘Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.’
Hoosier Farmer
‘I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.’
Anonymous
‘We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.’
Tim McGraw
‘My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.’
Lee Iacocca
‘If you walk in front of me, I may not follow.
If you walk behind me, I may not lead.
If you walk beside me, I will be your friend.’
Albert Camus
‘You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.’
Chico Marx
"Love doesn't grow on trees like apples in Eden - it's something you have to make. And you must use your imagination too."
Joyce Carol Oates
’A kiss is an application on the top floor a job in the basement.’
Unknown
‘Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.’
Anonymous
‘Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.’
Thomas Robert Dewar
'Women are cursed, and men are the proof.'
Rosanne Barr.
'Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.'
Mickey Rooney.
‘I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's day. Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning. Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.’

Funny Valentine Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Funny Relationship Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Funny Relationship Quotes Biography

Source:-google.com.pk

Funny situations occur when you have complicated relationships. Look around you. You will find many chaotic relationships that lead to humorous situations. Ever seen the harrowed husband, who tries to maintain peace between his wife and his mother? You may have observed a funny exchange of words when a large family meets up during Thanksgiving.

Funny Relationships in Movies
Many movies have been made around funny relationships. The movie The Break-Up showcased the bittersweet relationship of a couple contemplating separation. If you have watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding, you will enjoy the craziness of large families, especially on the eve of a wedding. Monster in Law is a hilarious movie that captures the delicate relationship between a bride and her mother-in-law. The tug-of-war between the doting mother and the loving wife is an eternal classic.

Another movie that comes to mind is The Holiday, where the characters explore new relationships after going through a bad break-up. If you prefer watching TV soaps, you will enjoy Sarah Jessica Parker's famous TV sitcom Sex and the City that offers all kinds of relationships on a platter. The four women of Manhattan explore love, dating, sex, and friendships.

Relationships in Real Life
Movies imitate life, and life has many paradoxical relationships. There are many societies that accept polygamous relationships. Polygamy can throw a few surprising challenges at the unsuspecting person. Property squabbles, family conflicts, and holiday celebrations can become humorous scenes of rivalry, absurdity, and debauchery. Shakespeare explored these absurd relationships in his famous plays. As You Like It, A Midsummer Night's Dream, and Much Ado About Nothing.

When you go to a party where couples are invited, observe their verbal and nonverbal exchange. Make a special note of their behavior, when they are together and alone for a brief moment. You can tell which couple has had a fight before coming to the party, and which one will have a fight after the party.

Most companies recognize the power of relationships, and its effect on business. Hence some organizations encourage dating coworkers, while others strongly dissuade relationships. Office affairs, can affect work relationships among employees.

How to Handle Conflicts in Relationships
When relationships go sour, look at the funny side. Instead of being anxious about your love life, make a joke about it and move on. If you have been through heartbreak, laugh at your stupid mistakes. The quicker you bounce back, the easier you will be able to accept past mistakes. This will help you recover from the breakup, and develop new relationships.

Here are funny relationship quotes that put you in a humorous mood. Let the smile wash away the worry lines. Crinkle your eyes when a chuckle erupts from the depths of your heart. Enjoy the wit in these funny relationship quotes and let your giggle engulf your heart.

Linda Festa
The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them be good at taking orders.

Erma Bombeck
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

Frederick Ryder
When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.

Sarah Dessen, Along for the Ride
Relationships don't always make sense. Especially from the outside.

Jonathan Carroll
You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip.

Samuel Goldwyn
A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.

Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.

Bobby Kelton
The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prisons they let you play softball on the weekends.

Agatha Christie
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

Glenn Beck
Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.

Benjamin Franklin
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

Laurence J Peter
It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week.

Henry Youngman
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

George Carlin
Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.

Ronnie Shakes
Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge.

Rita Rudner
When I want to end a relationship I just say, "You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.

Brendan Francis
A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.

Jim Bishop
Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.

Albert Einstein
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.

Jacqueline Bisset
Ideally, couples need three lives: one for him, one for her, and one for them together.

Funny Relationship Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Sunday 27 October 2013

Funny ThanksGiving Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Funny ThanksGiving Quotes Biography

Source:-google.com.pk

Todd Barry
I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable.
Jack Handey
If you’re at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don’t like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you’re eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you’re out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, ‘Boy, these are good cigars!’
Bob Smith
It wasn't easy telling my family that I'm gay. I made my carefully worded announcement at Thanksgiving. It was very Norman Rockwell. I said, Mom, would you please pass the gravy to a homosexual? She passed it to my father. A terrible scene followed.
Phyllis Diller
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Michael Dresser
Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.
Robert Caspar Lintner
Thanksgiving was never meant to be shut up in a single day.
Jay Leno
Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, 'Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England.'
Ted Allen
The funny thing about Thanksgiving, or any huge meal, is that you spend 12 hours shopping for it and then chopping and cooking and braising and blanching. Then it takes 20 minutes to eat it and everybody sort of sits around in a food coma, and then it takes four hours to clean it up.
Dylan Brody
You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, "Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave."
Stephen Evans
Thanksgiving is nothing but a toast to genocide.
Merle Shain
The act is unjustifiable that either begs for a blessing, or, having succeeded gives no thanksgiving.
O. Henry

There is one day that is ours. There is one day when all we Americans who are not self-made go back to the old home to eat saleratus biscuits and marvel how much nearer to the porch the old pump looks than it used to.

Funny ThanksGiving Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Funny ThanksGiving Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Funny ThanksGiving Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Funny ThanksGiving Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Funny ThanksGiving Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Funny ThanksGiving Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Funny ThanksGiving Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Funny ThanksGiving Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Funny ThanksGiving Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Funny ThanksGiving Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers

Funny ThanksGiving Quotes About Life Friends School Love Girls Life Lessons Men Exams Friends and bestfriends School Teachers